I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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