Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
