And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My dick has a subreddit
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
