he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Randomize
