thus making me awesome and them whores
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
