that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
last night I used snow as a chaser
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