He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
