Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
