Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
