And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
