i don't like sucking hair
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
