Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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