If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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