He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
