I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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