some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
