just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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