I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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