Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
