I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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