I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
