What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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