last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
