the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
