he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
