did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
