I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
