I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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