Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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