My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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