Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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