Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
