Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
