And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
