mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
