Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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