Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
