I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
