youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
