o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
