It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
