1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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