I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My ATM looks so different sober.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
