White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
