Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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