I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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