you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
