Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
