I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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