I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He better not be in your backpack
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
