I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
